Wednesday, December 31, 2008


Have I ever laid eyes on a classier bride and groom? I assure you that I have not. If I had, it might have been this one:A smashing couple indeed, but I wasn't invited to their wedding, so Rich and Lish take the cake.

Besides having to bail early, the only downer to the evening occurred when I was completely demasculinized by the sight of this:

I had previously felt so great about my recent camera purchase. Now, only envy and conniving plans of obtainment rack my once-full heart.

As Stephen said, "Richard has accomplished the impossible. A Wood is married."

While the fates of the remaining bachelors are uncertain, one thing is for sure:
No more looking for friends to replace Mrs. Lisha H. Wood.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Ah, true luxury...

So I just realized something a few moments ago. I like my space in the bathroom. Sure you are thinking to yourself, "Of course, everyone does." But I think I have something a little unique. Maybe some of you share my love? I don't know, I can't read your brains.

I made this discovery when I had a number 2 emergency. I walked in the bathroom and started heading to my number one choice when it comes to taking number 2s: the handicapped stall.

I love the handicapped stall. It just gives you room to breath. There is even a stool in the ones here on ATSU campus. I put my bag on the stool hang up my jacket. Maybe pull out my iPhone and check my email. You know, take a little me time... on the toilet.

Anyways, the point is... I never knew it was an obsession ENOUGH to actually go to two other floors until I found a suitable handicapped stall in good condition. The first two had toilet paper strewn all over them. Seriously, what is this a GAS STATION! NO, it's a college of health sciences! I was appalled. One would think I would just give up the first time and use a "general boarding" stall, but no! ... I demand first class.

I know you are now probably asking yourself, "How can he do that? Imagine the disdain if a handicapped person was left waiting whileyou use THEIR toilet. Imagine the shameful bows and apologies as you leave the stall against their penetrating glance of disdain."

Well, you know what. Never happened. Ever. And I've been handicapping it up since my sophomore year at BYU pretty consistently... plus I have my polio back story. You've got to have a back story.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

You Play Ball Like A Girl!

Today is Chad Michael Duford's birthday.  He's a shy guy and doesn't want people to know but I'd be a bad friend if I didn't give Chad his recognition he deserves.  Chad is by far one of the best friends/roommates I've ever had.  I've never know anyone who is so selfless and caring as Chad is.  He is a wonderful person and I feel honored to call him my friend.  Chad I wish you a happy birthday! 

PS. Ladies doesn't Chad look great in a tux???

Friday, December 12, 2008

Stuck in my head

For some reason, I cannot get THIS song out of my head. I don't know where it came from. One day I just started humming it. One thing for sure, is that it is incredible. I melt at the beginning of the song when Willy Wonka is singing with that eery xylophone (or whatever that instrument is) is still going on with that quasi-leitmotif (if I can call it that). It is so creepy!

Monday, December 8, 2008

I'm your handyman

So I have moved into THE new apartment. It is a nice place. It has pools and a workout center, but I like it because it is still a unique place, and is surrounded by restaurants and places to go shopping. But this post really isn't about that. It is about my Ikea bed making ability. Yes your going to learn how I turned the above home office/Bedroom (notice sleeping bag) into my Ikea bed.

First, you have to appreciate that Ikea's instructions do not come with words. They only come with pictures. And notice how the graphics indicate to get someone else to help you. But I did it myself. Ya sure, it required some pretty sweet moves involving balancing the other end with my feet. But when it comes down to it, I'm like two Swedish men combined. All I need are two Swedish women, and we could form "Abba: The Next Generation" with less overhead.

So in the end. Here's the bed. Now I'm just waiting for the mattress to be delivered. Pat on the back to me. In other news! I meant to post about how my ear got cut off. Ya sure, I probably mislead people with my Facebook status. They cut off my ear, but was more like a fillet off the back. Check it! (My what a picture post it has been.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Happy Birthday My American Jewish Canadian Friend!

Dear Richard,

Today is your birthday and I didn't have a new picture of you in a speedo so I went with one a little less classy this year.  Nevertheless this last September the gauntlet was thrown down with your birthday rap for me so I responded in the best way possible.  A Song! So Mr Richard Michael Wood Happy Birthday and enjoy this little song.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Apples to Apples = I'd rather be waterboarded

Does anyone else cringe when someone says, "Let's play Apples to Apples," and then other people chime in, "I LOVE Apples to Apples!" I hay hay hate Apples to Apples!!! This game blows apple-y chunks all over the place! There is nothing funny about Apples to Apples. I can't even force a fake laugh when someone puts the card 'ham sandwich' down for 'furry.' Am I alone here?